Friday, September 30, 2011

She is gone ...

and she is never coming back.

Today someone from the past said "you are not that girl I met 30 years ag .. ".

Well she is gone, and she is never coming back.  When I was in college, I was so naive.  Simply put, I wanted to have babies and be a mother.  In order to accomplish that goal, yes get married.  Those were my priorities and in that order.  I even decided to date tall guys because I wanted my girls to have long legs.

The father of my beautiful babies is 6'4", my girls have legs that go on forever, and so does my beautiful boy.

For years I lived the dream.  I had a beautiful house in Rye, home to my three gorgeous babies tons of wonderful friends with bundles of there own.

My marriage was far from perfect, but that was incidental.  I was happy, so very happy.  Three babies in three years.  I loved being pregnant, I loved newborns and I loved toddlers.  Sam my oldest was wise from the start.  She hit all her marks way before she was supposed.  Thankfully, She was the only one had the time to read What to Expect the First Year.  All was going well.

Then Jack my baby boy got sick.  He got really sick.  I was told again and again there is nothing wrong with your Mrs. Clark other than he has an older sibling at home.  Finally my BFF Nikki declared Jack belonged in hospital (she is british) and I took him to a new Doctor.  She sent us to Columbia.

Well you know the rest.  Jack was sick and the baby I was carrying was too.  Life as I knew it would never be the same.  Nothing in my past prepared me for my future.

But I have learned is that life is a gift and so are my beautiful children.  Sam is a wonderful older sibling.  she is great role model, fabulous student athlete and driven.  Also she treats them as any older sibling would...

Kate the baby, is my baby.  She is a doll.  She is the self appointed care taker of her brother.  Sweet, smart beyond her years and very sensitive.  She reads anything and everything she get on hands on and has a vocabulary four times mine.

Jack, my beautiful boy continues to surprise me with his strength and courage.  As anyone who is familiar with this blogs knows .. last year fucking sucked.  jack was so sick, hospitalized, sent home with a pic line he missed so much school.  But he survived.  he lived.  He fought.  His reward for that, we held him back.  So he watched all of his friends go off to High School.  He stayed behind.

He did not complain, instead he got As, he worked hard and last week he moved up to HS.  He is back with his friends.  I teared up when the principal told me this news.  I told them, I wish you could see how strong he is when he hospitalized.

I am so off base at this point, so back back to the beginning.  That girl is gone, the one in her cute little bright green sun dress.  Instead I am here.  I am the mother of three beautiful children, two with Cystic Fibrosis.  They have given me  a purpose, filled my life with love and laughter and taught me there is so much more to life than the right dress.

I am glad that girl is gone.  She did not know the first thing about what is really important.  I survived and I learned everything that is important in life from my beautiful children.  Her Beautiful Boy.

This is me today.