There Will Be An Answer Jack

For my brother David there was no answer.

In a few short weeks it will be two years since my brother David died.  No he did not have CF, he had a different chronic disease.  David was an alcoholic.  For years, it went undetected.  Yes he drank pretty heavily in college and in fact came home with a broken jaw because he fell of a balcony.  We just thought, hmm one too many buddy.  He graduated and followed my brother to California, started what looked like a promising career.  But there were cracks, cracks my older brother noticed in David.  First DUI, and a trip to boot camp (prison).  Then the rehabs started.  Well you know how the story ends.  I got a call and the next thing I knew I was on flight.  On a flight to help my other brother and sister put an end to David's struggle. It splintered my family.

Not a day goes by that I do not miss him.  After all he was me.  He looked just like me (we make a better looking boy), he was smaller and sensitive.  He had a wonderful sense of humor.  No matter what was happening in my life, he could always make me laugh.  My children adored him.  I remember being really frustrated with the school and I called David to complain that it seemed I was always required to be there.  I asked if he ever remembered mom being at our school.  He said "Liz we took the bus, I do not even think Mom knew where the school was."

We fought hard for David and fell short, really short.  Sometimes I wonder if anything is really being done for addicts.  Is their research?  Who is raising money?  I know I have never been to A Walk for the Cure of Addiction.  Is Dr. Drew it?

What I do know how tragic being there was, shutting down those machines, watching him struggle for that last breath and then falling silent.  Having to turn and walk out the door and leave my  baby brother behind.  So much harder than I ever imagined.  Not a day goes by that I do not think about this.

I think that made this past hospitalization with Jack so much harder.  All of the sudden the realization that I might really have to hold him, watch him slip away and walk out the door.  I came completely undone. I fell apart.  I broke into so many little pieces.  Some are more aware of this than others.

I am picking up the pieces.  Putting our lives back together and getting back to what I used to do very well.  Raising money for a cure, a cure for CF, because I can not do that again, walk out without my baby boy.  No one should have to walk out that door without their sister, brother, son or daughter.

I am thinking its time to throw one of my legendary cocktail parties with a little help from my friends.  Details to follow.

Go to walks, cocktail parties, casino nights, make a difference, with your help someone will get to leave with their baby in tow.  What a gift that is.